BKS1 Radio Network

You have been in a relationship for a long time and now your single again – how do you re-date or do you just date?

Women & Men spend many years together but are clearly not promised forever. There will come a time when it seems it is better to just separate. So many have sacrificed for their children, finances, comfort or just afraid to be alone. Some go experience separation by means of death and have no choice but to start over! A relationship break up can be a very painful experience. Mourning the loss of the relationship for a time is perfectly natural. It is a time to come to terms with your loss so that you can move on to a brighter day. Part of that brighter day will probably involve dating again. After a break up, when should you start dating again?

Calandra...

..Who Is She? The question has been asked time and time again. So here is a little insight. She was born Calandra Elmaria Donastorg, a native of St. Thomas U.S. Virgin Islands. She began showing signs of being a star at the tender age of four years old. Her ability to put words together that expressed such emotions at such a young age was brought to light by her soft tones that made everyone stand still and feel chills throughout their bodies. At the age of seven, Calandra came to New Jersey with her mother and father in which she continued to write and sing throughout her elementary and high school years. A graduate of East Orange High School and also a former Hal Jackson Talented Teen International Winner for the state of New Jersey, Calandra made it clear that her goal was to succeed in the music industry. With her sights set and at the age of seventeen, her father’s label was established for the sole purpose of making his daughter’s dream a reality.

Calandra's current release entitled "Calandra" can be heard across the air waves in the U.S. Virgin Islands thanks to Peter Ottley of WSTA Lucky 13. Calandra continues to write and sing music that she feels has meaning and gives an underground hip-hop and reggae tone flavor. Always thinking of giving back to her community, she would often lend her voice to campaigning offices, even singing at mayoral and community affairs. Calandra has received countless awards for her performances at talent shows throughout New York and Tri-State area. Calandra also performed at the first ever televised, ESPN2 Boxing event held in the U.S. Virgin Islands where she performed both the UVI and the U.S.A. National Anthem, in which she received a standing ovation. This event was sponsored by Sugar Ray Leonard and company, for which Calandra wrote a tribute song for the famed boxer. The following year she was asked to return home to the U.S. Virgin Islands to perform at a party celebrating the birthday and anniversary of Former Heavyweight Champion Riddick Bowe for which she received great reviews. In her constant push to succeed, she continues to express herself through her music in hopes that her voice reaches one of many around the globe. This young lady is definitely someone to watch out for. With so much to offer, everyone should definitely stop, look and listen because only then will they understand the TRUE beauty of an ARTIST! Calandra, Inc

Tonight on the Live In The Vocal Booth show we have a two fold discussion. First we discuss Bed Bugs and control/prevention. Followed by  Fears and Phobias! Do you have any?, If so are they controlling your life, holding you back from accomplishing your goals or dreams? Get live in the vocal booth and let us know!

"My arm is itching! Where did I get this bump from?" "OMG!" "I've got BED BUGS!!!" Or is it just a detergent allergy? Or did I get it from my friends house? These are all questions and worries that some people bring to themselves. So tonight the LIVB team tackles 2 subjects under 1 topic, "WHAT ARE YOUR FEARS AND PHOBIAS? ARE THEY CONTROLLING YOUR LIFE? The 1st hour, we discuss the world of pest control and the phobias people have over bed bugs,rodents, wild animals, bees etc etc. We have a guest tonight from Horizon Pest Control. Quality Assurance inspector JoAnne Pajunas will tell us about and give answers to questions about all those scary bugs and rodents that may be invading your home and driving you insane!

The 2nd hour we talk about what are your phobias? What makes them a phobia to you? Is your phobia a mental thing or a physical thing? Is it unhealthy? How far will you go to make sure your phobia doesn't get you? Hmmm, I don't know. You might be driving yourself insane! Let's find out together TONIGHT LIVE IN THE VOCAL BOOTH!!

Special Guest: Quality Assurance Inspector JoAnne Pajunas

With a career in pest control that started in 1986, JoAnne Pajunas is one of the best at what she does, which is pest control! She is New Jersey Licensed in Categories 7A - 7B - 13   L since 1986. She is a New Jersey Wood Destroying Insect Credentialed Inspector, and New York Licensed Category 7A since 2007. She also is AIB Certified in Food Safety for Warehousing and Distribution and a member of the Entomological Society of America. She is currently the quality control inspector at Horizon Pest Control. You got a problem, she'll solve it!

Special Guest: Author Cassius Ali

Cassius started writing in High school where he wrote plays, won speech contests and became one of the editors on the year book staff. Later, he wrote two books of his own for Barlow Elementary School in Plainfield, NJ, while studying at the George St. play house.

Cassius also wrote a number of shows for the children of Barlow School and represented the school for city wide P T O two years in a row. Since, then Cassius has gone on to writing commercials, stories, for New York projects and more.

In March of 2012 Cassius came out with one of two books he plans to release this year. The first is a poetry book called “The Last Word”.  He chose poetry to start because he believes if you can bring words to life in a poem, you can do the same in a story. Which is why the second book, is a story book with three stories in one.  There are two bullying stories, one from the perspective of the bully and the other from the perspective of the one being bullied. The last story is about long term relationships and some of the things that can or have happened in our lives.

Tune in for another blazing hot episode of the Live In The Vocal Booth Show. Follow us on twitter: @bks1radioent and like our facebook fan page: Best Kept Secrets Ent.

I got an email in April from a friend about an advanced screening of Jumping the Broom in Washington, D.C. that featured a Q&A session with mega-pastor, and co-producer, T.D. Jakes. I had class and wasn’t able to attend so I took my mother and aunt to see the film over Mother’s Day weekend instead. A few years ago I probably wouldn’t have even paid attention to the film, but  writing for this site has made me more conscious of the ways in which African-American relationships are portrayed in the media.

While much of the movie centered on major themes such as class differences, family secrets, and the love lives of the supporting characters, I was more interested in the topics that weren’t major plot lines. This post is not a review of the movie (for the record, I loved it), but rather an opportunity to share a few of my main takeaways from the film that relate to real life relationship issues I believe are critically important, yet rarely discussed.

Be a bodyguard

One of the prevailing themes of the movie was the conflict between the groom’s mother (played by Loretta Devine) and wife-to-be (played by Paula Patton). While Devine’s character might have seemed extreme to some people, her behavior is often displayed by our family and friends in real life through disrespectful comments, a negative attitude towards our relationships, interfering in relationship issues, or even trying to orchestrate a breakup.

Relationships require a certain amount of protection, and while guarding against infidelity seems obvious, sometimes they also need to be shielded from loved ones. As the movie demonstrated, allowing hostility to fester puts a significant strain on a couple. At some point the person whose family or friends are involved in the conflict needs to have the courage to let them know that the relationship, particularly in the case of marriage, is a major priority and that their partner deserves to be respected. I put an extra emphasis on marital relationships because they are the only ones in which both participants take vows to publicly affirm their union. This level of unity will inevitably require each person to play the role of relationship protector and bodyguard at times.

Transparency matters

Another subplot in the movie was family finances. Without giving away too much, I’ll just say that money issues were serious enough to push the bride’s parents to the brink of divorce. I think it’s safe to say that most people recognize how damaging poor money management skills can be to a relationship, so I’ll put that issue to the side for now.

A good friend pointed out an even more compelling theme, however, when she gave me her review of the film. She was struck by the total lack of accountability on behalf of the bride’s father with regard to his financial dealings. Of all the attributes I’ve heard people list about their ideal relationship, rarely have I heard accountability and transparency listed among the top 10.

Keeping secrets leads to deception and dishonesty, whether the issue is a bad investment or the secret “work spouse” who seems to know you more intimately than your actual spouse. The reason we are not more transparent is because we fear accountability. Exposing our character failings and major mistakes generally evokes feelings of embarrassment and shame. Therefore, we often fool ourselves into thinking we can handle these situations on our own, even as they spiral out of control. Unfortunately, this type of attitude keeps us from getting to the root of a problem and starting on a path to resolution.

Don’t major on minors

The overall lavishness of the wedding itself, especially when juxtaposed with the chaotic state of the relationships within and between each family, was also striking. Most estimates put the average cost of an American wedding between $25K-30K, up almost 50% in the last 20 years, yet the average first marriage has a 40%-60% chance of ending in divorce, two and a half times more often than 20 yeas ago.

Put simply, it’s foolish to splurge on a million dollar wedding if you’re only going to have a five-cent marriage. Unfortunately, this is all too common in real life as well. Our culture has become entranced by the phenomenon of big-ticket weddings, with all of their pomp and circumstance, but has comparatively little appetite for the work that is required to build solid relationship foundations. Thankfully there are a number of resources available (e.g., premarital education) for couples who want to strengthen their bonds, but they are only effective if people actually apply what they’ve learned.

Unsurprisingly, Jumping the Broom has had both its fair share of critics and supporters. Some believed that African-American love stories should be told outside of a traditional Christian narrative. Others appreciated the film’s role in debunking myths related to marriage in the African-American community. While these, and others, are all useful perspectives, I hope we all take the opportunity to see how the characters on the big screen reflect some of the same issues we face in our own relationships.

BMWK, what’s the most important relationship lesson you learned from watching Jumping the Broom or some other relationship movie?

by Delano Squires for Black and Married With Kids

Anthony Hamilton, born in Charlotte, North Carolina, was discovered at the age of 10 while singing in his church's choir.  Releasing his first studio composed album in 1996, Hamilton has been delivering music for over 15 years. After being introduced to the mainstream on the Grammy winning song by the Nappy Roots Po' Folks, Anthony has continued to deliver quality music to the masses. Back to Love is Hamilton's 7th album. Can he continue to deliver powerful soulful songs with a message that can be felt by all.

Read more of Anthony Hamilton's Bio Here

New Years Resolutions:

Is it really realistic to set New Years Resolutions? Do we set goals that are really obtainable? Do we shot for the stars with only a bottle rocket to get there? Tonight on Live In The Vocal Booth let talk about Resolutions and how to really fulfill our goals and setting realistic resolutions. How can we enlist other to help us obtain our goal? How many goals are too many Goals? Lets help set each other up for success in 2012. We want to know whats your goals and whats the craziest goals you have heard. Tonight rite here on Live In The Vocal Booth.

Let's get it on with relationship coach sadie show. Topic: We're In Love, But We Have Nothing In Common. Chat live or call in 646-233-1302. Let coach sadie help you get your relationship back on track. Join the live experience on www.bks1radio.com

If you missed the live show press PLAY!